MADHURI DIXIT
She's back where she belongs. After a two-month sabbatical in the U.S., she's steaming it up at the musty studios. The camera merely rolls when other actresses emote. But when Madhuri Dixit gets into the act, the camera seems to stop dead in its tracks, watching her like an incorrigible voyeur.
Time and again, she has worked with directors who can't equip her with the depth or contact that she's so capable of. Time and again, she has been crackerjack and the film a crashing bore. Obviously she hopscotches over the handicaps. What a Shyam Benegal, a Mani Ratnam or a Shekhar Kapur might do with her is a tantalising prospect.
So much for her cinematic self which is dazzlingly different. But who's the Ms beneath the gloss? The real M.D. is infuriatingly but genuinely private, one who treats the press with a hauteur that has evoked a measure of hostility.
Around 2 p.m. I bob up and down like a yo-yo through a crowd of visitors at Filmistan studio. Cricketer Kapil Dev drops in to pay a courtesy call. So do many more guests from the ubiquitous "Umrica". Madhuri does her Ms Propah number with all of `em. That dispensed with, I sit her down for a Kyon and A.
Hello! And congratulations.
Congratulations?
On your marriage.
You too?
Me too! This is the fourth time you are being married off, right?
Wrong. In fact this is the sixth time. Remember I had told you before leaving for the States that I would be married off again by the pundits of the press?
So is he a Maharashtrian computer engineer again?
No, this time it's a Gujarati doctor I think. (Laughs) When I reported for the shooting of Koyla, Shah Rukh Khan kept pulling my leg, saying that he was very unhappy that I hadn't invited him for my wedding. So I told him that the next time I'm married off... which means the next time I visit America, I'd surely invite him. Frankly, this marriage talk is becoming a joke. Ha! The day I really get married no one will take me seriously. Actually, I think no one can accept the fact that a girl can be unmarried, unattached and happy.
So you don't take anything that the press writes about you--good or bad--seriously?
To be absolutely honest, nothing affects me anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong. You can be chillingly cold at times. Is it only for the studios and us press types? Are you a Dr Jekyll and Ms Hyde, huh?
Look I have to be tough here. I have to guard myself against the pain. Even if I have a Dr Jekyll and Ms Hyde personality, I just hope that both of them are straightforward and nice. I can't imagine being evil. Also, I'm not interested in living up to the expectations and fantasies of 900 million human beings. If someone thinks I'm cold, fine. I'm not here to clarify anyone's assumptions about me.
So genuine friendships are not possible?
Very rarely. I haven't been able to form any lasting friendships. Perhaps because all relationships are professional out here, they wither away as soon as a film is complete.
You have no 4 a.m. friend?
What's a 4 a.m. friend?
"I've already been married off six times... the day I really get married, no one will take me seriously "
A friend that you can call at four in the morning and tell all.
No, I don't. The friends I have are all away from the industry. I know that I'm just a marketable commodity. When the director sees me within the frame of his camera, he's thinking box office. I have seen too much. If I have a problem at 4 a.m., I'll just wake up my parents. Simple! Know something? My greatest asset and tragedy are that I have tremendous intuition. I can easily read faces. I know what those who meet me have in mind.
Have you ever felt vulnerable?
Often. I've felt vulnerable when the camera is switched on. That's because when it's off, I'm this cool, collected person. Then in front of the camera, I go through all these emotions, sing, dance, act and that makes me slightly queasy. I feel so many pairs of eyes are prying into my innermost emotions. I feel vulnerable when I'm with my niece and nephew. They can just twist me around their little fingers. Recently my mother had a fall in Canada. And I was a bundle of nerves... in fact I was hysterical. Since I pride myself on being composed I was surprised by my behaviour.
I don't know how to ask this, but have you ever felt despondent... err... suicidal?
Suicide? No way. I feel that either you have to be too weak or just too strong to commit suicide. (Laughs) Maybe I'll kill someone but I'll never commit suicide.
"Directors whose films I've turned downI come from a family of fighters. My father has been hard of hearing since the age of eight. Since it was difficult for him to follow what his school teachers said, he would learn his lessons in advance. He even went abroad to study and overcame his handicap. My mother was a pucca vegetarian till she got married. I can imagine what trauma she must have gone through when she had to cook meat at home and finally even eat non-veg.
Do you cry easily?
Yup, anything makes me cry. The last time I cried was when I was reading the book The Bridges of Madison County.
Supposing something like The Bridges... happened to you in real life?
I would be shattered. Who wants to go through that kind of pain? But I'd definitely like that kind of romance. Apne bhi din aayenge bachu.
I've met many interesting guys, but none whom I'd like to spend my life with. Sometimes when I see couples in love, I also dream about romance, roses, chocolates and candlelight dinners. I adore the concept of being in love with one guy and spending the rest of my life with him.
I'd like an honest-to-goodness answer to this. You don't miss having a man around you?
Believe me, I don't. Sometimes I wonder why I'm so content not having a man in my life. Now this may sound ridiculous but my parents have always been there through all my highs and lows. I can tell them anything.
I think some people have a warped notion about film stars... that they have to drift in and out of relationships. My reading of human beings is that only insecure individuals drift in and out of relationships.
"You have to be too weak or too strong to commit suicide. Maybe I'll kill someone but I'll never kill myself."
So what are the most important lessons that you've learnt during your years in showbiz?
First one must never wallow in self-pity. Secondly, I've realised that work is the only reality. If you're good at your job, everyone will flock to you. Thirdly, I have tried not to hurt anyone... though this has worked against me.
A few years ago when my dates were in a mess, I could have been ruthless and ditched a lot of my producers. But I didn't. I stuck to my word, I completed all their assignments and faced a lot of flak in the bargain. Chalo, yeh bhi dekh liya.
Know something? I can't think of you as a regular housewife, getting up at 6 a.m., heating the milk, packing your husband's and children's tiffins.
Wait and watch. I'll do a good job of that too. Maybe while the kids are small, I won't work. But once they start going to school, I'll get back to being a working woman. Look at Padmini Kolhapure, Poonam Dhillon... they manage home and work.
Okay, suppose you were at home alone, would you manage?
Umm... fairly well. I can make chapattis and aloo bhaji. I know that if I put my mind to it, I'll even become an expert cook.
Okay, so how much does a litre of milk cost?
Umm... You horror... We pay monthly bills for milk, so that's a huge amount. But wait I'll tell you the price of petrol. That's Rs 25 a litre. Ha, got you!
By: Jitesh Pillai